Don’t kid yourself, Jimmy. If a cow ever got the chance, he’d eat you and everyone you care about! Can’t you people take the law into your own hands? I mean, we can’t be policing the entire city! That’s why I love elementary school, Edna. The children believe anything you tell them. Fame was like a drug. But what was even more like a drug were the drugs. We started out like Romeo and Juliet, but it ended up in tragedy.
Oh, a *sarcasm* detector. Oh, that’s a *really* useful invention! Remember the time he ate my goldfish? And you lied and said I never had goldfish. Then why did I have the bowl, Bart? *Why did I have the bowl?* You don’t win friends with salad.
- Don’t kid yourself, Jimmy. If a cow ever got the chance, he’d eat you and everyone you care about!
- That’s why I love elementary school, Edna. The children believe anything you tell them.
Well, he’s kind of had it in for me ever since I accidentally ran over his dog. Actually, replace “accidentally” with “repeatedly” and replace “dog” with “son.” Get ready, skanks! It’s time for the truth train! How could you?! Haven’t you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain Whatshisname? We live in a society of laws! Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well, I didn’t hear anybody laughing, did you? Except at that guy who made sound effects. Makes sound effects and laughs. Where was I? Oh yeah! Stay out of my booze.
Life on the Fast Lane
Homer no function beer well without. I’m going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won’t be back for ten minutes! I’m a Spalding Gray in a Rick Dees world. Kids, we need to talk for a moment about Krusty Brand Chew Goo Gum Like Substance. We all knew it contained spider eggs, but the hantavirus? That came out of left field. So if you’re experiencing numbness and/or comas, send five dollars to antidote, PO box… Here’s to alcohol, the cause of — and solution to — all life’s problems. I didn’t think it was physically possible, but this both sucks *and* blows.
- What’s the point of going out? We’re just going to wind up back here anyway.
- Attempted murder? Now honestly, what is that? Do they give a Nobel Prize for attempted chemistry?
- He didn’t give you gay, did he? Did he?!